I heard recently that you can die, but you cannot un-live...

I heard recently that you can die, but you cannot un live. I suppose when we die, it is not our "life" for the amount of time that we had on this planet, but the moments that we lived through that define us. The things that touched us. The things that broke us and the memories that we have that we remember and try to hold tightly to and relive that moment over and over again. For me, I lost so many of those moments because all my memories are either before the accident or after the accident ,and now the before is just cloudy. After, even the few times, I remember experiencing happiness, or joy, are still tinged with grief.

Aidan lived in a way that I always fantasized about living. He was the person that I wanted to be when I grew up. He was the best of me and his father in ways that few people will ever possibly be able to understand; that is why I’m doing this. The brightest star I’ve ever known lost his life and his future here on this planet in the blink of an eye. On a Wednesday, leaving work when probably most of you were eating dinner or driving home, yourself was gone. Just gone. In a blink of an eye, he was killed by a drunk driver on his way home to work on his new business that he and his friend were preparing to launch.

I lost everything but my life. So far, anything that I thought was important in my life or that reflected my life has survived this loss. My home, my car, my business, my family, my marriage, my friendships, my heart… I lost it all when I lost him. I spent most of the last year in the throes of a complete mental breakdown, rendering me incapable of trying to rebuild my life or keep tabs on the people who I trusted to get Aidan, his family, and the people who loved him justice. In hope to validate the crime, I guess. My focus has never been on punishing TW. It was getting justice for what was done and protecting another family from the horrors that we have suffered and the never-ending pain. See, for most people who knew Aidan, they can remember all of the beauty and the joy and laughter that Aidan brought to this planet and into their lives because as time goes on, the grief lessens for them. The trauma fades. For me and my family…. Well, I guess I should just speak for me, but for me it is like Groundhog Day from hell. Every day. It’s the first thing I think about. I tried to fend it off by thanking God every day that I had the time with him that I had, but it does not in any way curb the pain. Every day I do what I know Aidan would want me to do, most days very poorly, but I listen to him with my heart and to God, and I try to give myself grace, exercise when I can, feed my mind, meditate, pray, and inundate my life with music. I help people whenever I can, whether it’s a good decision or not, I speak my mind, I try to make every decision out of love, and I speak up when there’s injustice, just as he did.

The difference is I’m doing it crawling and crying until I vomit. But just like living, I will not give up on this. I want answers. Society deserves answers! Why? Why can somebody repeatedly put others in danger, take the life of an innocent person who actually made this dark world a much better fucking place, and suffer no consequence?

Take Aidan’s death out of the equation and answer this. TW has prior DUIs. He claimed that he was driving someone else’s truck, which was unregistered and had no insurance. He tested over the limit hours after he had killed Aidan and had other chemicals in his system, but no charges for those crimes were ever filed as well.

See, if the story was just that despite the overwhelming evidence, the Maricopa County Attorney's Office didn’t feel comfortable trying this case as manslaughter, then why wouldn’t they charge him with the other list of crimes? I think that, in itself, would imply that there is something else quite nefarious happening here. Is it even possible for the Maricopa County Attorney's Office to be that incompetent? And if so, explain to me how Tom was head of the vehicular crimes division up until the day that they were supposed to have filed these charges. That was on a Friday, January 31, and by Monday morning Tom had been moved to a completely different department within the Maricopa County Attorney’s Office. So with that being said, did he move because of his incompetence in his prior position? Was he moved by the Maricopa County Attorneys office so once we found out that they were protecting TW and no other charges had been filed, we couldn’t ask any questions? There are many theories on this, but it boils down to two: either they are protecting TW or the Maricopa County attorneys office is so blatantly incompetent that while they are sniffing out PR opportunities, they are letting real crime that has already been solved not be prosecuted.

Any ideas? Until next time… Love hard, Work hard, Play hard…